& i’m only human
I have begun a new high school. In doing this I have set off the wheels in motion for disaster. I don’t know what I am doing, but everything feels right. So you’re probably asking, “Why disaster?” Well, children. There is this guy. He is the dark, mysterious guy who has friends but stays secluded, the guy on the road to self discovery. We kissed. The sad thing is, is that this is my ex best friend’s ex boyfriend. Well, this sucks.
hi. i don’t know what to say right now. you will never see this, unless i decide to show you if we hang out tomorrow. i have a lot to say, so please bear with me, because now that we’re moving on from each other, there’s things that were left unsaid… that i want to say. things i always wanted you to know.
i’ll start at the beginning. i am so happy that i ever met you. that day on the bus, the day before the freshman field trip. you were really fucking obnoxious, and it’s funny, because 14 months later, look at that, you still are! you were annoying enough to be heard over my phone on max volume. i appreciate that, kiddo, that was my favorite song that you interrupted.
everything was magical and wonderful. rushed yet slow. a bunch of combined oxymoron’s would describe us. we were so bad for each other, and good at the same time. you balanced me out, you fought me at every turn, we were both stubborn and hard headed, and it did us no good, but it only brought us closer together.
i will miss kissing, and holding hands, and cuddling, and making love, and i’m sitting here crying, because i will always love you, i have from the very moment i saw you. you are perfect. and you deserve the best and nothing less than that, and i hope that you find it some day, and i hope i do too. and i’m texting you right this minute, acting like i am perfectly fine, but i’m not.
but now that we’re not together i can tell you things, and i will help you get the girl you like, even if it fucks you over, because i want you to be happy, and i want to be happy. you’re helping me get the guy who doesn’t care, and i’m just about done with him. there’s better, just like i always thought with you, but there really wasn’t. everything was worth it. every fight, every tear, worth it.
i will always love you dylan carl………… always. no matter how much it pains me to let go. but it’s okay babe, because we will always be best friends, who knows what the future has in store for us.
i think i’m over thinking things a tad much. sure, i’m upset. sure, it’s heart breaking to see all my really close friends in relationships, even my so called acquaintences are dating. my whole school is 70% couples, 20% friends with benefits, and 10% forever alone. pretty sure i fall under that 10%, since i haven’t had a relationship in forever and probably won’t have one for a really long ass time. and it just pisses me off. i want to feel love, give love. i want to hold hands, give kisses, receive kisses, kisses on the forehead, all that cute shit that comes in the bundles of relationships. but no! i get fucked over. always. so while all my friends are so fucking cute together, there’s me, who can’t go on the double dates and do all the fun, friend, dating things. so i have no friends or love life. i’m totally living it up.
this is to you, for fucking me over. for coming to my house asking if i was down to fuck, when in reality, you were probably just a horny prick…. saying you missed me and you wanted shit to work, that your feelings were coming back. did you say that shit for any particular reason? no, you didn’t. lol. you wanted the sex hun, nothing else.
so now you’re having sex with cody…. which you know is all a joke, right? i’ve heard it from a million people, she’s using you to get over an ex boyfriend. and since when do you like to smoke blunts? rofl, you told me you hated pot. the lies are adding up babe.
you know what? so fucking glad you’re gone. you tell ME i’m gonna be miserable the rest of my life? look in a fucking mirror. you’re joining the marines to kill people, not to fight for your fucking country. no girl will EVER want someone like that. so kudos babe :)
tomorrow you were supposed to ask me out. for some reason, i believe that was just a lie to. now you’re not going to. you fuck with my head. fuck with my feelings. i have had the worst weekend ever, and you don’t care. i am tired of crying. i am tired of shaking. i am tired of throwing up because i’m crying so hard. all you care about is corrine. you’ve made that so clear to me. you’re so fucking nice to her and you just treat me like shit. and i’m tired of it. i’m tired of sitting here crying. i’m tired of having my heart broken and my feelings fucked with. why is it so fucking hard. why can’t i just have something go easy in my life for ONCE. it’d be GREAT.